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- In love with best friend but she just started dating someone else. Any advice? - guyQ by AskMen
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There are excellent reasons to be friends with women, and — as we often say on the podcast — female friends are essential to a well-rounded social life.
So consider the practical and ethical considerations here. We can only share the right questions to ask so you can make sound decisions for the long term. Your abundance mentality — the mindset that there are tons of women out there who you could start a relationship with — is going to help you maintain the perspective and attitude you need to get a girl with a boyfriend to fall in love with you. But your abundance mentality is part of a bigger picture.
You need to put yourself first when wooing anyone, especially a girl who already has a boyfriend. In practice, that means having time for her only when you actually have time for her. The best and most attractive thing you can offer her right now is your strength and independence from her situation. Running every time she says she needs you to erode that strength and independence. But you can always do a little more to deepen the connection you already have and push it toward romantic love. That, more than anything, will give her a compelling reason to be with you.
One powerful way to be there for her while simultaneously creating attraction is to make her laugh. You just have to show her a good time. At the same time, she might not be getting a lot of interest in her at home.
One hallmark of bad relationships is that one or both parties start feeling unappreciated. She might have totally forgotten what it feels like to have a man want her. Making her feel appreciated and desired might be the emotional step you need to spark romance between the two of you. If this is the case, play to your strength in having more in common with her — not superficially, but emotionally, intellectually and creatively. Sometimes, especially in long-term relationships, one partner can become disinterested or out of step with the passions of the other person.
Once your emotional and intellectual chemistry is developed, you must find a way to express your physical interest in her. You run the risk of being the shoulder she cries on when her relationship is bad, or just an escape from her bad relationship, without a physical component. It also allows you to test her interest in you, and to slowly, respectfully, move the boundaries of your existing relationship forward.
If she reciprocates, then an attraction is almost certainly developing between you. In short, getting a woman in a relationship to fall for you is very difficult, complex and far from guaranteed. Now you just need to shift that a little bit and the two of you can have something even more than friends. Whatever you choose, continually return to the why. Your motivations and her feelings, more than anything else, will be your guide in this challenging but important dynamic.
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Recently On Singles Advice
Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. She also admitted while looking for a job she was so stressed she could not sleep. Which makes me worried she is not thinking straight. She also puts way too much stock in instant connections. She is an it religious and believe they are signs from God. When in reality it was probably some dude who is good at smooth talking. The other problem is I know who this guy is and he is an alcoholic, drug using jerk but since she is in the honeymoon stage right now she does not know this.
I also know they have very different views on topics such as sex. She is no sex till marriage and he is he wants some as soon possible. She also hid him from me till she decided to date him. I took it poorly, and got emotional cause she picked s guy she barely knew over the guy who has been with her through thick and thin. We are not talking right now.
She never replied so I think she is upset with me. It still really hurts. I am not sure how I should handle this. I know right now they are still in the honeymoon phase but I am hoping it does not last too long, I am truthfully worried she only mainly did this due to her current depression and that instant connection thing. I do think walking away and not talking is good to get my head straight for now.
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That means you are refusing to see the facts becasue you know what they mean and you o not want to believe them, you do not want then to be true. First, you're known her 8 years. In all that time you never stepped up to the plate and told her what you feel. You once "accidentally ". She was telling you she wasn't interested in you but you wanted to believe it was the distance. When she finally DID arrive in country, for a short distance relationship you were unable to make any solid plans with her.
If she was interested, she would have made time. She met and went home with a guy she barely knew due to instant connection. She can feel and she will react WHEN it's there. It's not there with you. Now you're her father, claiming he's bad for her, a drunk, a druggie, all in all a horrible guy EXCEPT he has her attention. You're grasping at straws, hoping they're as incompatible as you want them to be but the news flash here is She's just having a fling. She's not involved with some guy who's bad for her Only you are thinking this is a relationship she's trying to form with him.
She met him on NYE, for Christ's sake, it's fling. Why are you surprised that you're being treated as a friend when friendship is what you use to keep this one sided connection going?
In love with best friend but she just started dating someone else. Any advice? - guyQ by AskMen
When you didn't declare her yours 8 years ago, you set yourself up to be her friend. She does not see you as a long term guy. She's not sexually interested. Move on and find someone who cares about you. You've wasted too much time trying to win this woman over with your friendship and now you're wondering why she treats you like a friend. Find someone who cares for you.
Delete Report Edit Reported Reply. Actually she is treating it seriously and not a fling. Like I said she takes instant connections way too seriously. She is a bit religious and she straight up told she thought it was a sign. She is also a no sex till marriage kind of girl so she was not at his place sleeping with him. They have been mainly just hanging out at the bar. Michael Send a private message. I don't believe anyone man or woman has very much patience with emotional overload. Its up to you if the trouble is worth it.
Personally i say walk away save your self the heartache.
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It never ends well to involve your self in other peoples relationships. IF you are to do anything i would say drop her a message saying something quick and simple. I don't understand why you are with this guy personally I get i have no right to question it either but I just want you to know i truely care for you I'm around if you need me other wise i have to move on.
If she is making bad decisions then they are hers to make you cant really stop her without making things worse. Give her some space to come to you if things get hairy. Trust me when I say I do think she is worth it but I could be saying that to myself and I'm actually a glutton for punishment and not realize it.